I am at Home, but where is home?

Tom Cruise is on the television

but theres a Hurricane outside.

The Way of the Peaceful warrior

is the way of a snail

and the drugs dont help

how empty i feel.

I feel like I am killing myself by being

me.

being timid.

Charlie brown didnt hate himself

but i sometimes do.

Obama v Hilary

life is like Super Tuesday

so much fuss

and where does it lead.

Cold sunfish on the floor

it had jumped out the tank

he killed himself

jumping for the light.

Too badim not so naive.

Then i wouldn’t feel so guilty

about doing the same thing.

Islam and Angel

Im scared to be nice,

and Citizen Kane was a

Wolf Like Me.

i liked his slow progression towards the realization that the city isnt what he thought it was. i was  really able to relate to this because i felt the same way as joe. when i first came to new york, i was full of hope and felt more confident than i ever had before; but after a few days i slowly started to understand what new york really is. for a while after i was slightly bitter that the new york i grew up reading about and watching on television didnt really exist. i was never exposed to the sad and lonely side of the city so it came as a shock to me.

however i am somewhat confused about the flashbacks because i do not think that they work with how joe is first portrayed. in the beginning he seemed innocent and full of life; like nothing had ever gone wrong for  him, bbut as the flashbacks continued and grew more graphic we see that some very terrible things did happen.

while i dont know the who;e story becasue we didnt finish the movie, so far his earlier life experiences seem to fight with who he was in the beginning. i am still very intriged, i would like to know about his relationship whith his grandmother. i wonder if there was any sexual abuse or if he has always been intrigued by sex even as a young boy and so everything ends up being sexual for him. also i wonder what happened with crazy annie and whether or not she was a prostitute.

i  was really able to relate to the narrator. he seemed very beaten down by life and by the city. i came to new york thinking that it was this fun happy city where everything happens and dreams are made; but when i got here i realized that it was hardly any of those things. the people are so rushed and heavy with their own troubles that they close themselves off to everyone they pass. the only “fun” i’ve ever had costs more than me, and it seems more dreams are broken than made here; which only adds to the coldness.

i am slowly understanding this place and movies like the cruise are only agreeing with my perception of the city. it is cold and distant even in the heart of manhatten. one of the only things that made the city look good was the narrator. he seemed to be a very genuine perrson and its good to know that those kinds of people exist here; since I came to new york I havn’t been able to find many nice genuine people.